After a recent investigation, our landlord took the liberty of disconnecting our phone and internet. In her opinion, it was in our best interests to share a modem with a turtle-loving, pyjama-clad DJ, halve our monthly bills, and run a free wire into her room. Angered at the absence of consultation, we told her “no” to the new deal, “no” to the new cables, and politely shut the door. Always one step ahead, she must have had our old cables cut, because despite our continuing account with CNC, we can no longer get online. We have now been without internet for three days, and swamped with feelings of destitution and anger. This is what happens when the centre from which all things flow is uprooted.
So, I find myself perched in a damp corner of the bathroom with the laptop halfway out the window to steal a few heartwarming minutes of wireless, when the dusty spring breeze begins to draw me back into the horrors of the old world …
It was less than two years ago that I resided in a laptop-free zone, where we were forced to do awful things, like: communicate with each other, throw spontaneous pot-luck parties, play Pictionary charades into the early hours, and cover the walls in Pop Art. They were the worst of times, which were luckily cut short when the chai-drinkers left, and two high-powered “laptoppers” moved in.
At this point, let me iterate that being online 24/7 doesn’t equate with emotional or spiritual emptiness. To the contrary, the laptoppers brought focus and synergy to the living environment. The energy of the apartment, once vague and scattered like falling autumn leaves, began to revolve around two very distinct hubs. It was then I realized success could be at my fingertips too, because harmony and peace freely abound in laptop hubs. As the user is auspiciously centered for long periods within the flow of chi, good fortune, such as the eternal fountain of free entertainment, unfettering popularity on Facebook, and a soulful relationship with an E-cupped love puppy in a chat-room, are all potential and propitious gains.
If the hub itself does not reduce household interaction to the level of stabilizing harmony, my advice is to move quickly into the business of VIRTUAL FENG SHUI. Deflect that remaining negativity by protecting the walls around your hub with a series of LCD screens featuring moving images of wind chimes and lotus flowers. The advantage of Virtual Feng Shui is that it can be programmed to cater and respond to several different users. For example, if Turtle Boy’s beats would flow more naturally with eight synchronized goldfish in the west, when he entered the hub, the screens would provide.
Inevitable technological advances promise that soon enough not just Virtual Feng Shui, but your cyber friends, will be upgraded to holograms. Imagine the joy in the cups of your soul-mate from the chat-room, when she projects her image into your hub for a late night rendezvous, and finds herself in a spiritual hotspot, energized by a gushing waterfall in the north, 99 galloping horses in the south, and a lifelike three-legged toad, hopping straight towards her.
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So, I find myself perched in a damp corner of the bathroom with the laptop halfway out the window to steal a few heartwarming minutes of wireless, when the dusty spring breeze begins to draw me back into the horrors of the old world …
It was less than two years ago that I resided in a laptop-free zone, where we were forced to do awful things, like: communicate with each other, throw spontaneous pot-luck parties, play Pictionary charades into the early hours, and cover the walls in Pop Art. They were the worst of times, which were luckily cut short when the chai-drinkers left, and two high-powered “laptoppers” moved in.
At this point, let me iterate that being online 24/7 doesn’t equate with emotional or spiritual emptiness. To the contrary, the laptoppers brought focus and synergy to the living environment. The energy of the apartment, once vague and scattered like falling autumn leaves, began to revolve around two very distinct hubs. It was then I realized success could be at my fingertips too, because harmony and peace freely abound in laptop hubs. As the user is auspiciously centered for long periods within the flow of chi, good fortune, such as the eternal fountain of free entertainment, unfettering popularity on Facebook, and a soulful relationship with an E-cupped love puppy in a chat-room, are all potential and propitious gains.
If the hub itself does not reduce household interaction to the level of stabilizing harmony, my advice is to move quickly into the business of VIRTUAL FENG SHUI. Deflect that remaining negativity by protecting the walls around your hub with a series of LCD screens featuring moving images of wind chimes and lotus flowers. The advantage of Virtual Feng Shui is that it can be programmed to cater and respond to several different users. For example, if Turtle Boy’s beats would flow more naturally with eight synchronized goldfish in the west, when he entered the hub, the screens would provide.
Inevitable technological advances promise that soon enough not just Virtual Feng Shui, but your cyber friends, will be upgraded to holograms. Imagine the joy in the cups of your soul-mate from the chat-room, when she projects her image into your hub for a late night rendezvous, and finds herself in a spiritual hotspot, energized by a gushing waterfall in the north, 99 galloping horses in the south, and a lifelike three-legged toad, hopping straight towards her.
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