Any of you who have been privy enough to view Aerobics Mike-Style, have already been exposed to the very Asian trait of calling people fatties in full-colour action. You may not know however that this DVD came secondary to a visit from my borbor (grandmother), who on spying my aging father declared: “geez, you’re looking old and fat Michael!” Oh cruel world! She alone has the power to bring the ego of her favoured first son down a notch or two. Nonetheless, one thing no guide book can equip any unsuspecting visitor to Asia with, is a thick enough skin to deal with the fat comments. On my first day of teaching at IEA, my school laoban niang (boss) gave me two pieces of helpful advice: “learn American, your English no good,” and “you should eat less, you’re too fat.” Welcome to Taiwan!
It’s not just aging women who make these comments though - I have also been subjected to a year of toddlers, who on sight run up and slap me on the ass chanting: “this bit is so big!” Occasionally they stop to grab my waist and say in a confused way: “this bit is small” (pause) …then back to the ass: “THIS BIT IS SOOOO BIG!!” A good friend of mine has been branded THE FAT TEACHER (FT), after overhearing her new manager tell a group of students they’d be joining ‘the fat teacher’s class.’ And another friend received a note on the bottom of a test from a twelve year old boy that read: Teacher Holly! You’re too fat!!! I think you have to eat vegetables and you’ll get thinner. But I like you!!! From Vincent. Schools are a minor sufferance however, compared to joining a Taiwanese gym. During my first training session they measured my fat with tongs, and stood me in front of the mirror to wobble my flabby bits. The trainer then grabbed hold of both cheeks of my ass and pushed them up as high as they could go; “SEE,” she told me gleefully, “you’ll have longer legs if you lose weight.” When FT (who weighs 60 kilos by the way) joined the gym, the trainer casually asked: “so, when did you get so fat?” commenting she must have eaten a lot in America. He was later amazed to find out she could run after all!
It is my opinion that being called fat is not just a point of contention for foreigners though, but for Taiwanese children, teenagers, and women as well. One grade two boy wrote in composition class: If my mother says I always cry, I get very angry, but when my father tells me I’m a fat boy, I get very, very angry, because I am NOT fat!! Then there are the pallid hordes of stick insects on ‘one-milk-tea a day’ diets, and the corset bearers who practice starvation. Starvation may not lead to enlightenment as the great Buddha teaches, but it definitely leads to fewer fat jokes – a lesser prize perhaps, but not undesirable. So long ago, the Fat Teacher and I concluded if you can’t beat them, join them. We now tell people daily that they’re looking fat, chubby, chunky, wobbly, stacking on the choccies. Hey, I even call my best friend here ‘fatty!’ Sometimes I worry about my re-entry into Australian society though, and this newfound loss of basic social decorum.
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It’s not just aging women who make these comments though - I have also been subjected to a year of toddlers, who on sight run up and slap me on the ass chanting: “this bit is so big!” Occasionally they stop to grab my waist and say in a confused way: “this bit is small” (pause) …then back to the ass: “THIS BIT IS SOOOO BIG!!” A good friend of mine has been branded THE FAT TEACHER (FT), after overhearing her new manager tell a group of students they’d be joining ‘the fat teacher’s class.’ And another friend received a note on the bottom of a test from a twelve year old boy that read: Teacher Holly! You’re too fat!!! I think you have to eat vegetables and you’ll get thinner. But I like you!!! From Vincent. Schools are a minor sufferance however, compared to joining a Taiwanese gym. During my first training session they measured my fat with tongs, and stood me in front of the mirror to wobble my flabby bits. The trainer then grabbed hold of both cheeks of my ass and pushed them up as high as they could go; “SEE,” she told me gleefully, “you’ll have longer legs if you lose weight.” When FT (who weighs 60 kilos by the way) joined the gym, the trainer casually asked: “so, when did you get so fat?” commenting she must have eaten a lot in America. He was later amazed to find out she could run after all!
It is my opinion that being called fat is not just a point of contention for foreigners though, but for Taiwanese children, teenagers, and women as well. One grade two boy wrote in composition class: If my mother says I always cry, I get very angry, but when my father tells me I’m a fat boy, I get very, very angry, because I am NOT fat!! Then there are the pallid hordes of stick insects on ‘one-milk-tea a day’ diets, and the corset bearers who practice starvation. Starvation may not lead to enlightenment as the great Buddha teaches, but it definitely leads to fewer fat jokes – a lesser prize perhaps, but not undesirable. So long ago, the Fat Teacher and I concluded if you can’t beat them, join them. We now tell people daily that they’re looking fat, chubby, chunky, wobbly, stacking on the choccies. Hey, I even call my best friend here ‘fatty!’ Sometimes I worry about my re-entry into Australian society though, and this newfound loss of basic social decorum.
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