Like every expat community, Taipei’s expat’s come in every shape and size, but some stereotypes prevail. There are always the students, the adventurers, the escapists, the vagabonds and aging hippies, but Taipei is also rife with alcoholics, dropkicks and social misfits (of which a healthy 94 per cent are male). Every foreign female in her right mind has fled. In my work place alone I am the only foreign woman, with seven foreign men.
It has been the heart-rending tale of EURASIAN SNOW WHITE VERSUS THE SEVEN SOCIALLY IMPOVERISHED DWARFS. There’s Dopey, Sticky, Gloomy, Drippy, Choppy, Dribbly, and Lazy Eye. Dopey is too stoned to know he’s a teacher, Sticky likes to talk about his wet dreams, Gloomy suffers from world domination delusions, Drippy has no availing personality, Choppy is the all-star American kung-fu hero, Dribbly kindly only talks about my breasts when he’s drunk, and Lazy Eye is the manager who sees nothing that goes on, but he’s not the Dwarf leader. The little-man leader is Sticky, who comes complete with a word-of-mouth history of sexual harassment in the workplace, and a best friend who even made it on to national television once for assaulting a girl in a nightclub. Since then Sticky has repaired his ways, and no longer touches female staff members.
We have however had some pretty serious conflicts, which climaxed when he came into my class one day to stare at my chest, and tell me I was the most arrogant person he had ever met. I graciously informed him he was going to regret the way he treated women the day his darling daughters were old enough to be getting fucked by men like him. We now haven’t exchanged a word for over six months, but he has sent some of the dwarf henchmen to chat with me. Silly little Snow White, so little did I know, and how much they have taught me …
I now know: Taiwanese mothers who enter the school building are asking for sexual scrutiny; secretarial staff should feel privileged if married dwarfs ‘choose’ them for infidelity; commenting on the size of a woman’s tits in the workplace is a compliment; sexual harassment is better than physical violence (and apparently I have to choose one); and mentioning your wet dreams in front of a class of ten year olds is A-OK. Their company is thrilling, really!
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It has been the heart-rending tale of EURASIAN SNOW WHITE VERSUS THE SEVEN SOCIALLY IMPOVERISHED DWARFS. There’s Dopey, Sticky, Gloomy, Drippy, Choppy, Dribbly, and Lazy Eye. Dopey is too stoned to know he’s a teacher, Sticky likes to talk about his wet dreams, Gloomy suffers from world domination delusions, Drippy has no availing personality, Choppy is the all-star American kung-fu hero, Dribbly kindly only talks about my breasts when he’s drunk, and Lazy Eye is the manager who sees nothing that goes on, but he’s not the Dwarf leader. The little-man leader is Sticky, who comes complete with a word-of-mouth history of sexual harassment in the workplace, and a best friend who even made it on to national television once for assaulting a girl in a nightclub. Since then Sticky has repaired his ways, and no longer touches female staff members.
We have however had some pretty serious conflicts, which climaxed when he came into my class one day to stare at my chest, and tell me I was the most arrogant person he had ever met. I graciously informed him he was going to regret the way he treated women the day his darling daughters were old enough to be getting fucked by men like him. We now haven’t exchanged a word for over six months, but he has sent some of the dwarf henchmen to chat with me. Silly little Snow White, so little did I know, and how much they have taught me …
I now know: Taiwanese mothers who enter the school building are asking for sexual scrutiny; secretarial staff should feel privileged if married dwarfs ‘choose’ them for infidelity; commenting on the size of a woman’s tits in the workplace is a compliment; sexual harassment is better than physical violence (and apparently I have to choose one); and mentioning your wet dreams in front of a class of ten year olds is A-OK. Their company is thrilling, really!
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